•  Impotence: Causes and Treatment

There's no strict definition for this complaint: Whenever a man reaches orgasm before he wants to, experts agree, it's premature ejaculation.

Some studies have found that the average time from arousal to ejaculation is about 5 to 10 minutes, but the length of time it takes to reach orgasm is irrelevant if both partners are happy with their sex life. It only becomes an issue if your partner regularly gets aroused during sex but needs you to stay erect longer, which can be frustrating and hard on your relationship.

Very. According to some estimates, about 30 percent of American men reach orgasm earlier than they'd like to. Some men may not be aware they have a problem, though, because their partners are reluctant to talk about it. Usually, premature ejaculation (also called involuntary ejaculation) is a temporary condition among young, inexperienced men or people beginning a new relationship.

In most cases, one of two things: excitement or anxiety. For example, the first few times a young, inexperienced man has sex with a partner, he has trouble controlling the way he responds -- it feels involuntary, like being on autopilot. Usually, practice makes perfect. He (and his partner) may also be afraid that what they're doing is immoral, or worried they'll get caught in the act, so the sex is often rushed and unsatisfying. Climaxing quickly may begin during youth and then become an unconscious, physically ingrained habit that persists later in life.

If the problem crops up during adult years, it's probably due to anxiety (although the excitement factor can return if, for example, you're having sex after a long time without doing so). Any number of things can cause anxiety during sex, including wanting to avoid pregnancy, stress at work or in other areas of your life, and the fear that you may not be pleasing your partner. Premature ejaculation is rarely caused by physical disorders, but possible causes include multiple sclerosis, extreme sensitivity in the penis, injury to the nerves, and other neurological problems.

In general, try to become more aware of your body and how you respond during sex, from initial excitement, through the "plateau" when you're fully aroused, to the time you reach orgasm. Take deep breaths; this helps interrupt your stress response and forces you to relax. Also, try to be active with your whole body during sex -- using full-body caresses and nongenital touching -- instead of fixating on your penis.

Avoid drugs and alcohol. Although they can slow your response, they'll also keep you from developing the body awareness that will allow you to solve the problem permanently. Thinking about other things -- like football or your latest weekend project -- can be counterproductive too, for the same reason.

You can also try one of these tricks:

•Masturbation. Having sex alone about two to four hours before the big event helps some men have a stronger, longer-lasting erection the second time around.

•The stop-and-start technique. While you're experimenting by yourself or having sex with your partner, take a little break just as you're about to reach your "point of no return" and climax. Try to relax for about 20 or 30 seconds, and then start again.

•The squeeze method. This is like the stop-and-start method, but when you take a break, try squeezing the tip or middle of your penis with your thumb and index finger for several seconds. Stop squeezing, wait about 30 seconds, then continue lovemaking as before. This helps many men delay their orgasms.

•The lower position. Many men find it easier to prolong lovemaking with the woman on top, because you don't have to support your weight and you can relax more. This position can also reduce sensitivity in some men. If you haven't tried it, experiment and see if it helps you.

Most sex therapists agree that after several weeks of practice, one of these methods can help about 95 percent of men feel more in control and last longer.

Don't forget that you have other options for pleasing your partner. Most women (about 75 percent) have orgasms through clitoral stimulation. Fingers and toys are perfectly good substitutes in this case, as is oral sex; just ask her what she likes and keep trying until you hit on the right technique.

Since there usually isn't a physical cause for rapid ejaculation, try working on your master sex organ -- your brain. A few sessions with a sex therapist may be enough for you to learn how to deal with your anxieties and relax, often through guided imagery breathing exercises.

Try out various methods; usually one of these suggestions will be the solution. If you don't see any improvement in a few months, you may have a physical problem or a deeper emotional issue to work out. Your doctor or therapist may also recommend antidepressants -- one of their notorious side effects in both sexes is depressed libido and delayed orgasm.

References

First published February 28, 2000
Last updated July 30, 2008
Copyright © 2000 Consumer Health Interactive

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